Cutting Holes

Let’s make big holes in the metal exterior of the van.

Plan so far:

1. Hand over lots of money to dealership ✅
2. Cut big holes in fancy new van ✅

[Step one] Cleave ribs off of the side of the van with a chisel:

[Step two] Cut out a template for the windows out of cardboard. Focus hard, so as to not cut a template out of nice hardwood floors:

[Step three] Tape the template to the wall. If template looks good, draw some happy birds on it and call it a day:

[Step four] Hold drill and stare timidly at roof. For bonus points, balance precariously on plastic things because you’re too lazy to find a step stool:

[Step five] Go up to roof to see if your plan worked:

[Step six] Cut a big hole in the roof:

[Step seven] Wave, smiling, enthusiastically:

[Step eight] You’re on a roll. Be a Hero. Drills holes in everything:

[Step nine] Practice your Jigsaw skills on expensive new van:

[Step ten] Admire big hole. Hope windows fit:

[Step eleven] Cut bigger hole:

[Step twelve] Take cute photos, smile, don’t get hair caught on jagged unfinished metal:

[Step thirteen] Go up on top of van “to check on things”. Lay down, relax, enjoy view:

[Step fourteen] Use a ridiculous amount of sealant:

[Step fifteen] Slot in the fan:

[Step sixteen] Slot in other fan:

[Step seventeen] Carefully clean metal shavings that litter the floor, ceiling, and driveway:

[Step eighteen] Done! Enjoy photoshoot time. Smiles all around:

[Step nineteen] Read the sealant bottle, realize how long ridiculous amounts of sealant takes to set, and frantically purchase a 24 foot tarp from walmart because it’s supposed to rain all week:

[Step twenty] Carefully clean shavings out of beard:

[photo omitted]